I began to rub my eyes so they knew it was that time again. I was in the bed but today was a "special" day.
It was my birthday.
I was too grown to have the giddiness that comes with this time of the year. I was turning 28. Not quite 30, but I was definitely walking up to that door. And at first, I hated the fact that I was getting older.
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I had scary thoughts that taunted me about my age increasing. It meant many of my clocks were running out of time. Being 28, single, with absolutely NO ONE on your radar was scary. When I was turning 21, I was in the same position. So I at least thought, by now, that void would be filled. But here I am, by myself.
I planned to have a house by now. A beautiful starter home where I could invite my family over for holidays, have a dog or two roaming around and heat that I actually can control. Instead, I have a one bedroom apartment, that's too small for family gatherings, with forced heat which hasn't worked in my favor and an increase in rent should I choose to have a fur baby.
So when I found enough motivation in me to get out of my bed, I was bogged down with these negative thoughts:
"You're still single...?!"
"You're not where you wanted to be...?"
It was hard to suppress them but I had to. My sanity depended on it. As I went on with my day collecting text messages, calls and FB messages wishing me happy birthday, other thoughts started taking place.
"You may not have gotten everything you wanted but you've got everything you need."
"You've gained so much wisdom."
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We all get the question "Where do you see yourself in x amount years"? I never thought about it until now, but the best answer is "wiser". Luckily, wisdom is something that is automatically put on the table and doesn't necessarily need to be sought after. Rather the person takes it off the table and retains it is up to them.
I started feeling excited about getting older. What else will I learn in the upcoming years? Where will my new found wisdom take me? What will it protect me from? Embracing age is a new concept for me. I'm welcoming the idea of being like wine and getting better with time.
I guess getting older isn't all that bad...