The only thing that was missing was the funeral, the all-black attire, flowers everywhere and caskets lined up at the front of the sanctuary. Tears would do their job and run freely down your cheek as each teardrop recalled memories and moments with the person who was no longer there. There would be a program that may have a couple of songs listed, a prayer and the picture of your former whatever on the front.
Your friend, your relationship and/or your connection had just died. You never realized you would have to mourn someone that was still walking this Earth. You don't need to look up to the sky hoping that they see or hear you as you speak to them. The ability for those actions to take place is still available. But the possibility of it actually happening seems faint and almost impossible.
You've never been one to conceptualize the idea of someone being in your life for only a season. You've always had the mindset that once they enter your life, they're there forever. You used to think your mind and heart had room for everyone that made an impact in your life.
What makes it worse, you have this handy-dandy tool in social media that showcases how they went on to make new friends, create new memories with others and seem to not even look back. You find yourself trying to make a point by unfriending them. Maybe if they see that you've disconnected with them in the "digital" sense, they'll make an effort to reconnect. You also disconnected for your own benefit. You were tired of the notifications of them enjoying life without you and pictures that captured it all. It sucked.
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To be clear, you're not crazy. You're not stalking him/her or anything like that. Everyone has a friend or that ex-boyfriend/girlfriend they still check on in disconnected ways. You undeniably dabble in their life by checking their profile to get the latest update. Even though you may have their number you reject the idea of calling them. Because to be honest, you want them to make that first move. You want them to recognize that there hasn't been a conversation between you two for the longest time. You just want to be thought about.
However, you just may have to take this loss. Realize that life has narrowed down for the both of you and unfortunately, there was no more room for what used to be. You have to learn to stop making yourself available for someone who is currently and may forever be unavailable for you.
You realize that it's hard yet necessary.
Have you ever felt this way?